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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

 Nafsiya Reflections: For the Sake of Argument

Welcome to today's episode, 'For the Sake of Argument'

We’ve all been there... we get caught in the moment, we say things we wish we could take back. It’s part of our being human. We react, we respond, and at times we regret! The ego is hurt and we have an outburst. At the same time, the person on the receiving end is hurt by words that can kill! And we know this when we unleash and dish out all we have. The same goes for us, at times people say things we cannot digest or tolerate and at times to keep the peace we swallow our pride and stay quiet. Other times we just retaliate. It can be a constant inner struggle, especially in that heated moment. Fighting the urge to hurt the person who had just hurt you. “How could they say that?!” You ask yourself. “Who do they think they are?” The Shaytan adds. Putting fuel on the fire, “Why do I have to be the one who holds back?” You ask yourself.

We live in societies that teach us to look out for number one; there is a lack of accountability towards others and everything is individual-centered. The individual is raised to a pedestal where he or she HAS to be right. At times we want to be right, for the sake of being right. We want the last word. Even if it’s not spoken we want to add the last comment on Facebook or Instagram post where we can become keyboard warriors taking digs at everyone. One being confident and outspoken is seen as a good quality. And, yes, it is good to be confident but there is a need for frameworks to our behaviour.

You see, all of us have an instinct for survival. Allah put this in all human beings so we would love to protect our lives. A child displays this when a stranger comes in and he runs to his parents, not sure who this person is. As the child grows, he or she will defend his space, toys and struggle to share. Then, as he or she goes into teen years the need for groups or gangs helps to protect. And then as adults many challenges come about and the instinct is there when we struggle for a job, or a promotion. These are all manifestations of an instinct Allah (swt) the Creator created in man... some have more and some have less of this.

So, the need to speak up, defend, shout, argue and to be right comes from this instinct. But, the guidance on how to regulate is not in built. As human beings we have the choice to do as we please, to do what others tell us, both being limited to man's ideas; or to follow the guidance of Allah (swt). The dominant ideas in society, of individualism, are a challenge for a Muslim, and for a Dawah Carrier. We always need to check what we are doing. We need to remind ourselves of the link to Allah, who is watching us. So, while the instinct is there and there are triggers to initiate the instinct for survival we cannot just unleash and allow the instinct to take over.

Muhammad (saw) said,

" لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ "

"The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger."

Also, Abu Huraiyra (RA) reported

" أَنَّ رَجُلًا قَالَ لِلنَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَوْصِنِي قَالَ لَا تَغْضَبْ فَرَدَّدَ مِرَارًا قَالَ لَا تَغْضَبْ "

A man came to the Prophet and he said, “Advise me.” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Do not be angry.” The man repeated his request and the Prophet said, “Do not be angry.”

The advice clearly indicates that any one of us can get caught up with emotions and reactions. For in the end, our beloved prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him was created human, just as we are. For he (saw) had emotions just as we do.

For us, as leaders of mankind and as servants of the Ummah, trying hard to guide and assist, we have a far greater responsibility to show others the message of Islam. Our behaviour, our manners, how we carry ourselves need to be checked. We do not display a behaviour for public consumption but rather, we display the behaviour that is correct and we work on ourselves to correct it. We live in the secular, ego dominated society AND we have the instincts within us, so we need to use our correct ideas from Islam, take heed of the advice on managing our emotions and move forward. Even if we have people attacking us with their words, belittling our actions, even ridiculing us JUST to prove they are right and we are wrong.

To summarise this I wanted to share with you some beautiful advice from Imam Ash-Shafi’i, may Allah have mercy on him, said, “I never debated anyone but that I would love for him to be guided, directed, helped, and for him to be under the care of Allah and his protection. And I never debated with anyone but that I did not mind whether Allah clarified the truth on my tongue or his tongue.”

This is the correct approach for the Dawah carrier. We would discuss and should love to get to the truth. We would and should love to challenge others and be challenged for a fruitful exchange. This type of thinking is essential in the pursuit of perfection and purity in raising thinking and generating ideas. If we are ready for it, our goal is to guide, direct and help people ...our goal is also to get to the truth, and it may be that the person in opposition is going to guide US!

Our goal is not just to argue... for the sake of argument!

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